But the thing is that there were lots and lots of moms there, some of them look much older than me, but some of them should be even younger than me, but somehow, I see them as if they were absolutely different to me, not only because they look totally different from me, but also as if they were some kind of weird aliens. Or maybe, as if I were some kind of weird alien.
My hair is blue, and I wear 18 piercings in both ears and face. I don't wear high heells, nor "normal" clothes, I wear black clothes most of the time. Therefore, I understand all of them sometimes give me weird looks, but I don't really care!! Instead, I feel proud of being different and I walk among them with my head up and very secure of myself. I like that feeling.
Then the question is, why can't I socialize??? I was thinking all the time during the event about my "homework" of analizing my thoughts when I don't want anything to do with people, and this time I did pay attention to my thoughts. I can say, then, that I'm not scared of them, that i definitely don't fear they could critizice me, that I don't care if they talk about me, and I don't think they can hurt me in any way. But then, what is it that I feel??
I'd say I just want them away from me. I don't like them, I find them kind of stupid and ridiculous, and I don't want to mix with them. I want them not to invade my space. I don't need to talk to anybody to be happy anywhere. I'm happy with my own thoughts. I don't need them.
I wonder if that's the answer my therapyst needed. I guess I'll find out on Wednesday. In the meantime, I'm going on vacations!!! yeiiiii !!! We are going camping, the kids and my lion king, and I hope we have a great time. I'll be back on Wednesday =D
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