The most painful stuff

so yes, it was mother's day and yes, I did have a good time, but not everything around is that great.

When I moved back here, I started therapy, I was a total mess back then; so insecure, so quiet, my relatioship with my parents was terrible, etc. And little by little we have been working on all those things and my life has been getting better and better. My mom and I get along much better, I've learnt a lot of things I have to do to raise my child, and some others I don't have to do, I've learnt to forgive some people, I've learnt to not take everything personal, etc. To make it shorter, I have learnt a healthier way of thinking and thus, my life has become healthier too. But we have come to a point in which all the things that are, to a certain point, superficial, have been fixed, the last two sessions were like "mmmmm I don't have anything else to say" and now, if I really want to be much better, I have to start talking and working on the most painful stuff.

I know I have to talk about "that" thing I can`t even mention, I know, cause otherwise, my sexual life won't be healthy, I have to talk about that "animal" thing, other subject I can't mention either, I have to talk about my reluctance to have anything to do with people too. I don`t know if I'm ready to go deeper, or, to be honest, I don't want to go deeper, I don't want to talk about those things, I don't want to be pushed to do things I don't want to do. I know I'm not functional yet, I depend a lot on my lion king, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be even leaving home yet. But somehow, I've come to a comfortable place and I don't want to be pushed out of it =(

So I was planning to hide a little longer, to keep saying I was fine, but then she caught me!! I told her I so wanted a job now, and we mentioned how difficult it was to freelance, and then she said "Why don't you try to teach English in a school??" and i was like

NOOOO!!! Because there are people there!!!! and of course she wanted to talk about it. So now my new homework is to identify the thoughts I have when I don't want to interact with people.

Do I get scared??

Do I think they are going to hurt me?

Do I think they might critizice me?

For now I just know I want people away from me and I don't want anything to do with people, but why is that?? Now I have to figure that out....what a bummer =S