Fear

Being online all day long helps me get myself disconnected from this world. it keeps my mind busy and away from reality. There is where I want to be, away, very far away from here, cause it hurts here, it really hurts.

Pain, I don't like pain. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I've felt so much pain this far, and it seems it won't end soon.

I know I can't turn my back on reality forever, but I wish I could, I know I have to face what I feel but I don't want to. I'm afraid of feeling.

I can't say what he did to me. whenever i try to say the word, I stop talking. Whenever I try to write the word, I delete the letters and type something else. Whenever I try to think of it, I think of something else. If I can't even say it, how am I supposed to cope with it? I fear what can happen to me, what if I get too depressed again? what if I cut my arm again? what if I lose my stability? I'm afraid, I need help, I don't think I can do this alone.